After a rather weird start of the year, with January spectacularly doing my head in metaphorically speaking, February seems to be the anchor that brings everything down back to Earth.
I can’t deny I still have some serious doubts. It’s in these quiet moments doubt comes out and starts to ask all the uncomfortable & difficult questions. Wondering if I’m doing the right thing by going down this treacherous path. Having absolutely no clue whatsoever where to start to jump start this change. Where do I begin?! Just where exactly do I start? Shouldn’t I rethink things through just in case? Choose security and stability over this nearly unbearable uncertainty? What if I’m simply not good enough? What if this is one massive failure and there are no second chances? Surely I must reconsider.
All these thoughts just give me sleepless nights, and not to mention a major case of anxiety.
And for once, I’m truly stumped. For once I must admit defeat, and say this is the one true thing I cannot do on my own.
Being raised to rely on oneself first and foremost is great, but it also makes asking for help, guidance, support and a chance from others much much harder.
I realise I can start the whole process, but I need the help from others to keep the ball rolling. For this to have any chance, I will have to rely on others. But alas, I sincerely fear I lack the connections, or the talent to connect with the right people. Being a tad too earnest and honest does have their pitfalls.
I can’t rely on myself in this journey, I now realise that. For this transformation to take place, I will need to ask for help. Reach out and ask.
And yes, this scares me beyond belief. Terrifies me even.