There are real moments, sometimes even days, where I truly think this whole creative thing is a fluke.
I will wake up one day, pick up a pencil or a brush and nothing will come of it. It will have disappeared. Those moments happen from time to time when I start a new project as well, a slight panic sets in and I’m not sure I can even get my hand to do what I would want it to. Or what I managed to create the other day was just that, a mere fluke. A random stroke of luck. Or where the planets managed to align perfectly for it to have worked.
Of course it tends to dissipate once I get going and I get into the flow of things, but I can’t deny that flicker of doubt pops up once in a while.
Despite what other people may say, I still don’t tend to call it a talent. Something about it just doesn’t sit well with me, I don’t know. As if because it’s not the result of hard work, it’s just there, like some dirt that just happens to land on that spot. As if I haven’t earned it and therefore deserve it. Without the blood, sweat and tears it doesn’t feel as valuable.
Yes I know, it sounds rather ridiculous and completely nonsensical.
I do think this is partly why in the past I never enjoyed showing my work to anyone. The making of never was the problem, if anything I often find that part of the creative process quite easy, not saying it is easy because if you hand 5 individuals the same materials, you will get 5 different things at the end. Or at least it’s easy once I know what I want and how to make it. 😉 Partly because that is not a massive struggle, I don’t find it something to brag about. I just do it.
There is no real point to this particular post though, just some musings that have been bugging my brain.